51 more to go...

One week ago today my husband left for his first deployment. It took him all week to get to his final destination and now that he is there its more of a reality to me.

We had our ups and downs this week. The worst being that my kids questioned if he was going to die. Of course I said no and comforted them the best I could. But then it made me think the same. Thats the hardest part of being an Army wife... Being strong when you dont think you have the strength to.

So here we are beginning week two. Wish me luck! Pray for my husbands safety whie youre at it.

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Two down!

Today was an okay day. I started my day off at the doctors for a routine check up.. only for him to tell me I need to loose weight! For those of you who don't know me, I've been a big girl my entire life! Now I'm just a bit too big and I have to do something about it. Any who, the doctor asked me why I had stopped in the weight program I was in a few months ago and I mentioned my husband being deployed now and training back then and lost it. LOL He tossed me a gown and told me he'd be right back. We went through the fun procedure, we are good to go. He came back in and told me he didn't want to upset me. I stopped him right there, and told him I wasn't upset about the weight topic, my husband literately just left and it was the first time I had said that out loud. He then replied with, "well we can't cry in here today I lost my wife two weeks ago and I can't cry at work" Whew and I thought my last few weeks had went bad. So long story short, the morning was rough.

The afternoon, it was good. I baked in the sun and relaxed with my good friend while our kids played at the beach. Now I'm burnt, it's a side affect. Better than being drunk or high LOL. That came from no where sorry. Main points here, was that today was good. Talked to hubby he is safe and still in route, talked to momma she is 100% supportive with my weight issues, talked with my good friend which always makes things good! Very blessed with the people I have in my life!

Day One

It took forever to see my husband off. Six hours to be exact... I cried a bit and after all the buses left I stopped. Its so weird to be emotionally exhausted and be so uoset then be numbed by it all. So here we are at the park letting the kids run off all their bottled up energy from earlier.

Sigh.. Lets just hope things run smoothly this next year and we gain from this experience.

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T-E-A-M... I??

Right now he is upstairs packing, and not for a vacation, but for a long year away from his family serving his country. We've had our ups and downs with his chain of command with this whole deployment and quiet frankly I'm not as ready as I thought. A little background for those who dont know.


We moved to Hawaii this past June knowing he'd be deploying sometime this April. A full year, almost, having time to prepare. Then March got here, his company had too many soldiers going, and he was put on rear-d. Which means if something were to happen to someone over there or a spot became available he'd go at anytime with no times notice. Being on rear-d he would have been stuck on endless redundant details. So we go through a few weeks of thinking he wasn't being deployed only to wake up one day to his battle buddies saying,"hey dude when you coming back with us" He was now deploying and no one from his chain of command had communicated this with him. Oh well, we got over that and here we are.


So, here I am, sitting downstairs listening to his things being tossed on the floor, the scuffling of  his feet and bags as the prepare to leave the house, and I think to myself "whew maybe I'm not ready". Every time I look at him I tear up. Bryan is my best friend, my soul mate, my other half. He isn't like the typical husband that doesn't do much except game and complain about work. My husband and I are a team, a great one for that matter... and I'm not so sure if I can do this team work with out him. There isn't an "I" in team..

I need a cigerette and I dont even smoke

That title says it all. Im stressed to the max... FOR NO REASON. My husband is still here, my bills are paid, we have groceries.. Oh wait we also have 2 very high strung kids. I need Nanny 911 to come to my house and teach us how to live better. Im totally lost. Ugh suggestions, tips, a week away... Anything to lower my blood pressure.

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Living the Army Life

Recently I blogged about receiving my husband's deployment orders. It was something that I tried to prepare myself for and I think I took as well as I could. But this past week has really shown me that we are just property of the government and they can throw us every which way they'd like to.. physically, mentally, and emotionally.

My husband went in for a meeting, and came out with the understanding that he was no longer being deployed due to the fact they have too many soldiers in his unit and not enough slots for all of them to go. I'm fine with that. What I'm not fine with is when we were then told a few hours later.. "well you are still the top on the list to go if a slot becomes available" "and if I have anything to do with it you'll deploy with us and not be left behind" Either way you (i.e.:Army) are messing with me.

I am not taking for granted the life I am currently living. I have a beautiful family, an amazing island to live on and am blessed with a great support team. But now the Army is taking my strength for granted.. testing it, trying to tear it to shreds when I need it the most. I'm on a roller coaster from hell not knowing if he is going or not.. will it be now or later. Honestly I'd prefer him to just go, get it over with and be back home with no worries for another year of deployment. Now we have just that... Worries of the unknown. Not that worrying will get me anywhere; but I'm a woman and I'm going to do it anyways :)

As of right now, he is 99% yes on deploying with a 1% chance of not. He is still under a new sergeant and in a new platoon. With that being said we are anxiously waiting, once again, for the Army. Yeah us! Please keep my sanity in your prayers along with my families. I'm doing good holding it all in.. I've learned how to be a pretty good actor. Just pray please.. I know we are, you have to when you live the Army life.

Serinity Prayer

God grant me the SERINITY to accept the things I cannot change; COURAGE to change the things I can; and WISDOM to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking,as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His Will.
That I will be reasonably happy in this life
And supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

TRUST IN THE LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him; and he will direct your paths.

Proverbs 3:5-6

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