Recently I blogged about receiving my husband's deployment orders. It was something that I tried to prepare myself for and I think I took as well as I could. But this past week has really shown me that we are just property of the government and they can throw us every which way they'd like to.. physically, mentally, and emotionally.
My husband went in for a meeting, and came out with the understanding that he was no longer being deployed due to the fact they have too many soldiers in his unit and not enough slots for all of them to go. I'm fine with that. What I'm not fine with is when we were then told a few hours later.. "well you are still the top on the list to go if a slot becomes available" "and if I have anything to do with it you'll deploy with us and not be left behind" Either way you (i.e.:Army) are messing with me.
I am not taking for granted the life I am currently living. I have a beautiful family, an amazing island to live on and am blessed with a great support team. But now the Army is taking my strength for granted.. testing it, trying to tear it to shreds when I need it the most. I'm on a roller coaster from hell not knowing if he is going or not.. will it be now or later. Honestly I'd prefer him to just go, get it over with and be back home with no worries for another year of deployment. Now we have just that... Worries of the unknown. Not that worrying will get me anywhere; but I'm a woman and I'm going to do it anyways :)
As of right now, he is 99% yes on deploying with a 1% chance of not. He is still under a new sergeant and in a new platoon. With that being said we are anxiously waiting, once again, for the Army. Yeah us! Please keep my sanity in your prayers along with my families. I'm doing good holding it all in.. I've learned how to be a pretty good actor. Just pray please.. I know we are, you have to when you live the Army life.
I can't imagine what you're going through. But for the short time we spent working in the same building, I learned your strength. I even envied it. Seemed, no matter what happened (and you had a particularly stressful room) you always found a way to make it better. You never seemed to let anything break you and you always came out on top. I hope things get better mama. I know my words mean nothing because I have no first hand experience with army life, but I do know this...You are a wonderful wife and mommy. Your strength and courage of conviction will get you through :) Enjoy the good days, and its ok to cry on the bad ones. You're only human.
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