51 more to go...

One week ago today my husband left for his first deployment. It took him all week to get to his final destination and now that he is there its more of a reality to me.

We had our ups and downs this week. The worst being that my kids questioned if he was going to die. Of course I said no and comforted them the best I could. But then it made me think the same. Thats the hardest part of being an Army wife... Being strong when you dont think you have the strength to.

So here we are beginning week two. Wish me luck! Pray for my husbands safety whie youre at it.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.6

Two down!

Today was an okay day. I started my day off at the doctors for a routine check up.. only for him to tell me I need to loose weight! For those of you who don't know me, I've been a big girl my entire life! Now I'm just a bit too big and I have to do something about it. Any who, the doctor asked me why I had stopped in the weight program I was in a few months ago and I mentioned my husband being deployed now and training back then and lost it. LOL He tossed me a gown and told me he'd be right back. We went through the fun procedure, we are good to go. He came back in and told me he didn't want to upset me. I stopped him right there, and told him I wasn't upset about the weight topic, my husband literately just left and it was the first time I had said that out loud. He then replied with, "well we can't cry in here today I lost my wife two weeks ago and I can't cry at work" Whew and I thought my last few weeks had went bad. So long story short, the morning was rough.

The afternoon, it was good. I baked in the sun and relaxed with my good friend while our kids played at the beach. Now I'm burnt, it's a side affect. Better than being drunk or high LOL. That came from no where sorry. Main points here, was that today was good. Talked to hubby he is safe and still in route, talked to momma she is 100% supportive with my weight issues, talked with my good friend which always makes things good! Very blessed with the people I have in my life!

Day One

It took forever to see my husband off. Six hours to be exact... I cried a bit and after all the buses left I stopped. Its so weird to be emotionally exhausted and be so uoset then be numbed by it all. So here we are at the park letting the kids run off all their bottled up energy from earlier.

Sigh.. Lets just hope things run smoothly this next year and we gain from this experience.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.6

T-E-A-M... I??

Right now he is upstairs packing, and not for a vacation, but for a long year away from his family serving his country. We've had our ups and downs with his chain of command with this whole deployment and quiet frankly I'm not as ready as I thought. A little background for those who dont know.


We moved to Hawaii this past June knowing he'd be deploying sometime this April. A full year, almost, having time to prepare. Then March got here, his company had too many soldiers going, and he was put on rear-d. Which means if something were to happen to someone over there or a spot became available he'd go at anytime with no times notice. Being on rear-d he would have been stuck on endless redundant details. So we go through a few weeks of thinking he wasn't being deployed only to wake up one day to his battle buddies saying,"hey dude when you coming back with us" He was now deploying and no one from his chain of command had communicated this with him. Oh well, we got over that and here we are.


So, here I am, sitting downstairs listening to his things being tossed on the floor, the scuffling of  his feet and bags as the prepare to leave the house, and I think to myself "whew maybe I'm not ready". Every time I look at him I tear up. Bryan is my best friend, my soul mate, my other half. He isn't like the typical husband that doesn't do much except game and complain about work. My husband and I are a team, a great one for that matter... and I'm not so sure if I can do this team work with out him. There isn't an "I" in team..

I need a cigerette and I dont even smoke

That title says it all. Im stressed to the max... FOR NO REASON. My husband is still here, my bills are paid, we have groceries.. Oh wait we also have 2 very high strung kids. I need Nanny 911 to come to my house and teach us how to live better. Im totally lost. Ugh suggestions, tips, a week away... Anything to lower my blood pressure.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.6

Living the Army Life

Recently I blogged about receiving my husband's deployment orders. It was something that I tried to prepare myself for and I think I took as well as I could. But this past week has really shown me that we are just property of the government and they can throw us every which way they'd like to.. physically, mentally, and emotionally.

My husband went in for a meeting, and came out with the understanding that he was no longer being deployed due to the fact they have too many soldiers in his unit and not enough slots for all of them to go. I'm fine with that. What I'm not fine with is when we were then told a few hours later.. "well you are still the top on the list to go if a slot becomes available" "and if I have anything to do with it you'll deploy with us and not be left behind" Either way you (i.e.:Army) are messing with me.

I am not taking for granted the life I am currently living. I have a beautiful family, an amazing island to live on and am blessed with a great support team. But now the Army is taking my strength for granted.. testing it, trying to tear it to shreds when I need it the most. I'm on a roller coaster from hell not knowing if he is going or not.. will it be now or later. Honestly I'd prefer him to just go, get it over with and be back home with no worries for another year of deployment. Now we have just that... Worries of the unknown. Not that worrying will get me anywhere; but I'm a woman and I'm going to do it anyways :)

As of right now, he is 99% yes on deploying with a 1% chance of not. He is still under a new sergeant and in a new platoon. With that being said we are anxiously waiting, once again, for the Army. Yeah us! Please keep my sanity in your prayers along with my families. I'm doing good holding it all in.. I've learned how to be a pretty good actor. Just pray please.. I know we are, you have to when you live the Army life.

Serinity Prayer

God grant me the SERINITY to accept the things I cannot change; COURAGE to change the things I can; and WISDOM to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking,as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His Will.
That I will be reasonably happy in this life
And supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

TRUST IN THE LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him; and he will direct your paths.

Proverbs 3:5-6

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.6

Changes

Recently I ended a friendship and decided to end about ten others to stop all reacurring drama. Its not something that hit me with shock as I was preparing for it for a few months. But when it happened it hit me like a ton of bricks. A few days have passed and Im doing okay, whats funny is why do I care. Why do I need to do what theyre saying behind my back.. Well not technically because slandering on facebook is always meant for the person being slandered to read. Which, thankfully I havent read any of it. I closed the door to that world and Im not why it affected me the way it did.

I woke up this morning feeling refreshed with a task at hand for the day.. Ie:keeping busy. Thats what got me over it lo. Staying busy. So instead of mopeing around and not doing much Im going to stay busy because when I am I feel great.

Changing a negative into a positive might be hard at first but if you know it needs to change then have courage within yourself to do it.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.6

RaNdOm!

Have you ever set down to type out a blog and then read through it thinking, "what exactly am I trying to say here?" I just typed a few paragraphs and had a funny title for a blog and then I couldn't organize my thoughts. I'm giggling thinking.. I need one of those story building things we used back in english class. Lets put my main topic in the middle bubble and then branch off into little bubbles about things I can say about it. HA it's funny. I was even looking at my general blog page thinking... what was the point of this blog. Honestly I created this blog so I can go and type away about how I'm feeling and not get slammed with a ba-gillion likes and comments, yes I'm referencing facebook here. But as I'm typing this I'm thinking,"what is the real goal of this blog, how do I want it to be structured. Do I want to make it a place where I update my life more here than on facebook? Do I want to get blog fancy with adding pictures and poles and funny little side stickers?" Of course I'd have to figure out how to do all that stuff but do I want to? I dont know. I'm like any other woman who thinks of an idea or two or three and then in no time her mind is in so many places she can't concentrate. Like I read the other day something about not being easily distrac- OH there's a squirrel. Something along those lines is how I feel when I'm writing. Kind of like this post now, it's all over the page and yet I'm still typing :) Funny thing though have you ever just picked up a pen and paper and sat down and wrote all the random thoughts that are flying through your brain? Its really relaxing afterwards because when you're done you ask yourself... hmm what else can I write down? And there is nothing else to write down.

For those of you reading this just close out of my blog for the time being.. it's 2 a.m. here in Hawaii and I can't sleep although I need to be, but yet I'm typing away like you all can respond to me at a moment's notice. Oh I bet you guys can't wait to see what I have to type when my world calpses here a few months... delete me now people. I'm not one to be followed lol goodnight!

AHH ORDERS!!!

So I know I posted the other day about makin the days count and orders and blah blah blah... But Bryan aka my husband handed the orders to me in writing. Talk about a wave of emotions that just hit me. I want to cry but not in front of him right now. I have an ache in my stomach about all of it. I dont want him to go... I know he needs to and its his job but I dont want him to. Ive known an entire year that he was leaving its not like its new news to me but yet Im an emotional basket case. Go figure. Anyways I will be okay I just have to take a deep breath and keep moving.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.6

Dont Count the Days, Make the Days Count

So, many of you know my husband is in the United States Army and I proudly stand behind him 100%. This week I was given a technical count down as to when my husband will be going on his first deployment. I wanted, well heck I did. I cried the minute he told me he had his orders, silently of course in the back of the van since we were on the way to view our beloved island we live on. But thinking back on it I have went to that place in my mind where I say okay I have x amount of weeks left with him with this and this going on during this time, than this also which leaves us with x amount of free time. AHHH I had to stop I can't do it. I can't count down the days when he leaves us, and yes since this is our first deployment I still have an uncertainty if he'll be returning. I'm not trying to be morbid or anything but honestly who in my shoes wouldn't think that. This is all new to us, our kids, our family, our friends... our MARRIAGE. I'm scared as hell for this upcoming year but I'm putting on my big girl panties like everyone says I should and "deal with it" I'm not counting our time, I'm making our time count. I'm doing whatever his heart desires, which is a lot for me since I'm a bigger girl. I'm putting my anger moments aside, and the moments where I want to ring his neck when he decided at the last minute to take care of an online course that HAD TO be done today. The little things I'm letting go of, I will not and I repeat WILL NOT let our time restraint hinder what we do on a daily basis. I will leave off with this, I might not be here blogging as often as I planned on until he is off to save the world in his lovely ACUs.. but remember we are Home of the Free, because of the Brave!!

New Year

I'm two days from turning 25, yes half way to 50 and I can't believe it. I have been through a lot in my short time during adulthood. This year I will be enduring my first deployment with my husband. My goal is to prove to myself that I am strong and I can do this, I'd also like to blow people's minds by how amazing I handle this upcoming year. So I decided that this year along with the many other changing my children and I will go through I'd like to start a blog about how daily life is and other odds and ends that I do; ie: my crafting!! Please bear with the changes on this blog and if you know how to add pretties and other fun things to this (pictures) please tell me how!! Thanks for keeping up with me and my journey in Strong Tides!